Sunday, September 24, 2006

High Tea

So I made cucumber water cress tea sandwiches, tiny quiches (Ok I warmed these up!) and scones to have tea with gramie. Met mom there and we had an ok time. Then after we ate gramie puked up all her food. Apparently this happens quite often.

So she has lost a whole lot of weight, she's extremely tired all the time, she can't remember from minute to the next what day it is, what we just talked about or how old all of her children are. So she's not doing very well. And her bones are very fragile but she insists on trying to walk. She's not supposed to put much weight on her leg but hey, why let that stop you.

She is still trying to convince my mom that she's going to be ok, even though we all KNOW she is not. It's kinda aggravating. Then I feel guilty cuz I almost just want her to die soon, so that she won't have to go through the final stages of cancer. It only gets worse. Mom was saying that with Non-hodgins lymphoma they actually starve to death. No one wants that to happen.

So John has convinced her that he won't let her come home until she can walk and she gets stronger. Except neither of those things are going to happen so hello, why even put them out there. She wants to go home, she wants to die at home. Spend the money on home health that you are spending on assisted living.

So now I am emotionally drained and I want to sleep. :)

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