Saturday, September 30, 2006

Who needs a master degree anyway

So I am bored. Bored with my life, bored with my job. So I started cruising local college websites to view what they have to offer for master degrees in education. Our college here has a program for educaitonal technologies. But being that I am computer literate, I am not sure I coudl TOLERATE computer classes. When I have computer training, I usually end up cursing.

So then I went to UTEP's page. They have the worst webpage ever. Check it out. www.utep.edu

Onwards to nm tech in Socorro. They have THE PROGRAM I would love to do, but they are two hours away from here. Not sure how I feel about it. If they offered classes on Saturday's I would be interested. I sent them an email.

I just want to become a better teacher, more knowledgable about science. I could care less about pedagogy, especially since I didn' know what the damn word meant until after I actually graduated.

So who knows...

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Vball

So today I went to watch the 9th graders play in Ruidoso. These are the same kids that I coached in 7th grade and they were AWFUL!! They made me never want to coach again. But now they are really good. They get their three hits, they pass to the setter and a couple of them are getting really good at spiking.

But the downside is that I didn't get home until 8pm. David gets SO irritated when i get home late. Sometimes I wonder what his issue is. Not to mention he has allergies now and is not fun at all.

I ate clotted cream on sunday and got sick. Ate clotted cream yesterday and got serious gas. That lasted until today and then I ate some ice cream. Now I am so bloated and gassy. I need to lay off the dairy products for a few days!!!

Saw the cutest little baby today. She's only three weeks old. But it is so hard for me to get excited or want to hold a baby. I feel so cheated. The mom is like 40 years old and only tried for a few months. How fair is that? I know I know, fair is relative.

Monday, September 25, 2006

I'm going to hell

For many reasons. First all, theres a lady at work and I just found out that she had a miscarriage of twins last week. I AM NOT HAPPY SHE MISCARRIED!!! I want to make that very clear. I would never wish that on ANYONE. I am not happy. But I don't think I could handle another preggo at work. There's so many! It aggravates me to no end. So see, I am going to hell.

Another reason is all the flutterbys I killed today. There are migrating apparently because I have over a hundred plastered to my car. All this from one trip to work. There is a down side to having auto owindshield wipers. You go through a particularly heavy group of bugs and they come on smearing guts all over. Yummy.

I ate the last two scones today and I think the clotted cream is killing me. I have a HUGE belly from the gas.

Well, that's it for now. If I can remember what else I wanted to say I will log back on. I know you will wait with baited breath.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

High Tea

So I made cucumber water cress tea sandwiches, tiny quiches (Ok I warmed these up!) and scones to have tea with gramie. Met mom there and we had an ok time. Then after we ate gramie puked up all her food. Apparently this happens quite often.

So she has lost a whole lot of weight, she's extremely tired all the time, she can't remember from minute to the next what day it is, what we just talked about or how old all of her children are. So she's not doing very well. And her bones are very fragile but she insists on trying to walk. She's not supposed to put much weight on her leg but hey, why let that stop you.

She is still trying to convince my mom that she's going to be ok, even though we all KNOW she is not. It's kinda aggravating. Then I feel guilty cuz I almost just want her to die soon, so that she won't have to go through the final stages of cancer. It only gets worse. Mom was saying that with Non-hodgins lymphoma they actually starve to death. No one wants that to happen.

So John has convinced her that he won't let her come home until she can walk and she gets stronger. Except neither of those things are going to happen so hello, why even put them out there. She wants to go home, she wants to die at home. Spend the money on home health that you are spending on assisted living.


So now I am emotionally drained and I want to sleep. :)

Saturday, September 23, 2006

hmmm

So I don't know if I have ov-ed yet. This clomid is messing with my cycles!

I had something profound to say but I forgot once I sat down to the computer.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Papayas

So I wonder sometimes if the way I eat annoys my dh. He bought some trail mix with craisins and cashews and coconut. These are all things I really like. But it also has peanuts, bananas and papayas. These are all things that I HATE. So I pick through it. Get the stuff I want out.

We went out to eat and I had fajitas. Well, I LOVE fajitas but I don't like onions and there are a lot of those. So I pick through and get the stuff I want. I see him watching me. I wonder what he's thinking.

I need a shopping spree. I am watching what not to wear and I could TOTALLY get into it.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Dr Appointment

So we have an appointment for Nov 27th. Nov? WTF? Bastards. Apparently they are BUSY and don't realize that I am TIRED of waiting. Fuckers. :)

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Talk Like Pirate Day

Ok seriously, talk like a pirate day? I love it! But I missed it.

So the sorority thing was a bust. I totally didn't fit in. I am SO not a joiner. Then they ended the meeting with a song. HOKEY!!

Soo stephiepoo, it's not that I can't CARRY a baby, I can't seem to get sperm and egg to meet. Thanks for the offer, but we are SO not there yet.

Jenn, glad you are here with me. It's MUCH faster than fucking myspace. And for me at least, the kids don't know that I am here.

So I need to call the Dr. but I feel like DH is avoiding the topic. I am a chicken and hate having to be the one to broach every subject.

Tomorrow I have nothing planned. I love that.

I got a positive OPK today. So we are on for the BD-ing. Of course, considering how sick I have been and how stoned on cold meds, it would be a major miracle.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Blocked tubes

So the dr. called today and one of my tubes didn't show up on the xray. So it's probably blocked. Now we have to go to an RE, which neither I nor DH is very excited about. It's going to be EXPENSIVE! But what other choice do we have? Give up? Continue on like nothing is wrong?

So since the chances of me getting knocked up are so slim, I decided to go ahead and start taking meds for this sinus issue. I guess it doesn't matter if my CM dries up. I wonder if I should even continue using the OPK's I bought yesterday.

Then today I realized I forgot to take my last dose of clomid. So I only took it for four days instead of five. And since I was supposed to take it Friday, I am not about to screw something upa nd take it now. I guess it doesn't matter.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

snot monsters

So the snot problems continue. I have avoided the outdoors so that has helped.

I went to an honorary education sorority meeting today. Didn't much care for it. I am not one for meetings and songs and secret handshakes. Not to mention that I stood alone for over five minutes and not one person there really talked to me. Oh well, one less thing for me to do each day.

Still waiting for DH to come home. I hope he is on his way. I know that he has to work but it really sucks. Hopefully we will have some time together tomorrow.

I am watching the very first Buffy and its so funny. I wish I had been able to watch the series to the end, but the channel it was on went away after the fourth season. Bummer.

That's all for now.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Apple cider and captain morgan

That's what I am drinking right now. Pretty damn tasty.

Drove the cheerleaders to Ruidoso today for the football game. We lost by 1 point. Suckage. I had a good time though. I am EXHAUSTED. It's after midnight here!

The girls shared some gossip and the alter boy of the school apparently has himself a bit of a coke habit. It makes his behavior in class make sense now. But how can I even BEGIN to talk to his parents without getting my ass in a sling? Can't.

I put some icy hot on my neck, heated up the rice sock and it's on my neck. Too two hits of flonase and two benadryls. Hopefully that will kick some of the snot outta my sinuses before I get an infection!

TMI ALERT: Have lots of cm. What's up with that? My cervix is still sore from Wednesday. I have determined that's the pain I am having. It's sore to touch even. Poor thing.

Well, I am outta here. Having tea tomorrow with some educational sorority thing. Not quite sure how I feel about it, but gonna check it our anyways.

Hasta

Friday, September 15, 2006

ACHOOO

So as I sit here sneezing, itching and sucking snot I realize how ridiculous it is that I have been off allergy meds for over two years and nothing. Seriously, I am miserable!

I can't even go outside without sneezing. My ears itch, my head hurts from the sinus pressure, and I can barely pet the cat. Argh.

Dr. called and I missed it. Dammit! Guess I will have to wait until Monday.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Poop Soup

So all day today I have had major pain in my belly and tushie. I think I have issues.

Haven't heard from the Dr. yet. Bastards!

I am irritated that someone scheduled a field trip on the last day of the nine weeks. I am giving an exam gosh darnit.

Off to a baby shower. Thrill a minute.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

HSG

So there were three women and my DH in there with me. The radiologist was new and couldn't figure out how to do ANYTHING. Very frustrating. The lady who did it was frustrated with the way the table worked and there was no stirrups. Not fun. They then invited DH to view my cervix. Fun.

Now I feel lost somehow. Like anticlimatic I guess.

I have a baby shower to go to tomorrow and one to plan for October. Not really feeling it.

So I am very frustrated by the world. I know a lot of people who are just ignorant and yucky and they are popping kids out like crazy. I am not talking about the teachers I work with, rather the parents and their 13 year old girls. How wrong is that? And everyone justs accepts it. It sucks. Here I am not taking allergy meds, not drinking (much), gave up coffee and still nothing. It fucking pisses me off. I know "fair" is such a little kid word but it fits how I feel.

I need some hot chocolate.

That's it for now...

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

infertile?

So tomorrow is my HSG. I hope that I have something wrong so that we can fix it.


I can't believe that we have had to go through this. But I imagine everyone who has problems getting pregnant feels the same way. You go through life imagining that you will be able to have a family easily. Then come to find out that hey, you can't get pregnant and you have to go to the doctors. Fun.

So that's were I am right now. Feeling like this is a dream and not really happening. I will report back tomorrow.

Friday, September 08, 2006

AF sucks

She's trying to kill me! I swear.

I find myself hoping that they will find a blockage in my tubes so that will be our problem and we won't have to go to the specialist. Then we can get preggers and live happily ever after. Yeah right.

Watching must love dogs. I love Dermot Mulroney. He's hot.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Tired

Well, CD 1 again. I am not all that sad. Now I have my HSG scheduled for Sept. 13th. I have good feelings about it. I am probably just setting myself up for disappointment again but hey, gotta keep believing.

Had PTC today. only saw 37 parents out of 140. But that's ok. I get tired to talking to people and it's nice to have some time in my class without other teachers bothering me to do things for them.

Got a postcard from JFTB. It was funny. I think it made DH grouchy though. She wasn't talking about him. :) Ok I am going to bed.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Hmmm Insanity?

So I am continuing on my path to insanity. I KNOW I am not knocked up, but that little ray of hope can't be put out. I know it's not going to happen this month, but every littel twinge and ache COULD BE!!!

I need serious mental help. :)

Not only that, but my face continues it's break out marathon. I got some stuff that is helping, but it's also causing my face to peel like crazy.

Hmmm, I would take pregnant and pizza face over no pregnant and clear as a model face.