Sunday, December 31, 2006

New Year's Eve

So we are four hours away from 2007. Scary how fast time goes by.

I am feeling a little better about SIL pregnancy, but still, I don't want to see her and I don't want to have to fake feelings when they tell. So I hope they tell on the phone. I could be like her and just not acknowledge it, like she did with me, or I could be a bigger person and send a card or something. I don't want her to know how much it hurts. I don't think she deserves to know how I feel.

So counting from tomorrow, we have 22 days until our followup. I am hoping for a quick or not quick surgical fix. I am not ready for the IUI path, but if that's what has to happen then we will deal with that.

I am feeling very alone in my feelings though. I am considering therapy. I think it could be helpful, but then again, it could make teaching, graduate school and life even more hectic.

My mom called and wanted me to organize a leukemia walk thing. She thought I would be good at organizing. I had to remind her that I was starting grad school here in the very near future. They have a crap load of snow up there. I wish we had some snow down here.

Well, that's all for now...

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Evil Whore

So my SIL is pregnant. I think I might need to kill myself. She's just so evil! Life is so totally not fair.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

So I had my day 3 bloodwork last week and called to schedule my followup. The earliest I could get an appointment was Jan 18th. I couldn't go then so we are scheduled for jan 22nd. How fucking annoying is that. I am so irritated. Plus when we got to the blood place I was looking at the paperwork and he had me down for an HIV test. Now I don' t have a problem being tested for HIV but it seems like he could have TOLD me. It seems so sneaky. Anyways, i am not worried, just irritated.

I am taking this month off from temping and stressing. Well, at least I am trying. I think i will be ovulating over christmas and with MIL here it will make it hard to be amorous. Then DH is now sick so I think we can just forget it. I need to keep repeating to myself, "I;m not stressing!"

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The ultrasound

So today was the ultrasound. I was hoping they would put the evil dildo cam in and say "hey you're already preggers!" but that didn't happen.

They did find a fibroid in the muscle of my uterus and a ovarian cyst with septation on my left ovary. I didn't talk to the guy, he was just the radiologist, so I am not sure what's going to happen next. I have to wait until after my day 3 bloodwork to schedule my followup appointment. Maybe then we will have more answers. Until next time...

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Cold Snap

So I think our friends in the north will laugh at us but it's fucking cold here! I think it snowed in Alb, and here it's like 32 degrees. Tomorrow it's only supposed to reach 40 degrees here tomorrow. I am not cut out for the cold.

So here's the RE update.

Endo --> maybe
Ultrasound --> next week
blood --> soon

I don't feel like we have gotten anywhere.

But hey, we are moving in SOME direction.

I need to go to wally world and get some yarn for JFTB so she can have a scarf for her cold canadian winters. :)

I was teaching two step physics problems today (funny if you know I failed physics the first timein college) and I was AMAZED at how incapable my students are at THINKING on their own. I made it as simple as possible and they were still like "whaaaa". Fucking retards.

Then, in my own retarded moment, I deleted my grade book from my flash drive. In case you don't know, when you delete from a flash drive, it doesn't go to the recycle bin. It DISAPPEARS!!! I can't explain how difficult it would be to recreate the grade book. So I bought a recovery program online for 70 bucks and it RECOVERED it! I jumped up and down with joy.

I think the teacher next door to me thinks I am nuts. Funny since I am his dept. head. Damn science teachers. :) Maybe I just bring a little light to a dim hall. Yeah right, i am nuts.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Slacker central

So gramie died on November 6th. That's all I have to say about that.

Tomorrow is our RE appointment. I am very excited about it. I hope that I will feel like we are moving forward. I looked up what to expect at your first appointment and found a little paragraph that I found interesting.

Ok, that's all I have to say today. I will update tomorrow.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Transistions

So gramie is dying. I think she will die sometime today. I hope she passes peacefully and in no pain. She seems to be in some pain today, but hospice shoudl take care of that.

Af is on her evil way. Joy of joy.

The cat peed on the bed. Whore. I thinkshe did it because the lid to her litter box had fallen off and she couldn't get in there. I think it was like that at least a day if not two. So I had to wash the down comforter. I almost broke the washer cuz I may have put too much soap in, and that was just a wee little bit.

So dovendarger lost 7 pounds in two weeks on this meal plan she got froma dietician. I am going to try it. But she is also taking relacore. We;ll see, I am not ready to start taking diet crapola.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Birthday parties!





















So we went to a 16th b-day party last night for one of DH's cousins. I was veyr extravagant. And she got a new car. I think I am jealous, even though I love my car. But my first car was a 72 bug (in 90) with pink flamigos on the side. It cost my mom 400 bucks.

Anyway, the theme was the 50's. So here's some photos to enjoy.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Crap and shit

So I am feeling a little down today. I went to KS shower. It was really nice. I just feel jealous. I want that! I want little onesies. I want butt paste and nipple cream. CRAP!

And weirdest thing, I have been having these cramps. I am on CD 8 so I shouldn't be having cramps, but they have been on and off all week. And I have major food aversions. Things just taste like crap. Now I would like to clarify that I am not pregnant. My temp is way too low for that. And I had a hell of AF. But strange none the less.

So I was talking to my mom this morning and she used the word irregardless twice. I laughed cuz it's not a really word. Hehehe.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

BFN

Bet you didn't see that coming? yeah right.

Today is my appointment with the dermatologist. Fun.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Testing

So I decided to test tomorrow, since I will be about 12 or 13 dpo and I am supposed to go eat lunch with friends at the brewery. If it's a BFN (which it will be) I can have a peach wheat. If it's a BFP (which it won't be) I will have a sprite with my jalapeno poppers.

I am obsessed with this testing. It's all I can think about. I wonder why I am so invested in this month. Maybe so I won't have to go to the RE? I need therapy.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Masters degree cont


So come to find out that NM Tech has a distance education program. Yeah. So I am still interested just need to find out the details. I hope I don't have to take the GRE.

On the other front, the cat is being a major tush! I am including a pic of her being HERSELF. She gets to go outside every evening and run around in the grass. But she comes in and starts whining at 10pm every evening. What is she going to do when I go back to work and go to bed at 9?

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Who needs a master degree anyway

So I am bored. Bored with my life, bored with my job. So I started cruising local college websites to view what they have to offer for master degrees in education. Our college here has a program for educaitonal technologies. But being that I am computer literate, I am not sure I coudl TOLERATE computer classes. When I have computer training, I usually end up cursing.

So then I went to UTEP's page. They have the worst webpage ever. Check it out. www.utep.edu

Onwards to nm tech in Socorro. They have THE PROGRAM I would love to do, but they are two hours away from here. Not sure how I feel about it. If they offered classes on Saturday's I would be interested. I sent them an email.

I just want to become a better teacher, more knowledgable about science. I could care less about pedagogy, especially since I didn' know what the damn word meant until after I actually graduated.

So who knows...

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Vball

So today I went to watch the 9th graders play in Ruidoso. These are the same kids that I coached in 7th grade and they were AWFUL!! They made me never want to coach again. But now they are really good. They get their three hits, they pass to the setter and a couple of them are getting really good at spiking.

But the downside is that I didn't get home until 8pm. David gets SO irritated when i get home late. Sometimes I wonder what his issue is. Not to mention he has allergies now and is not fun at all.

I ate clotted cream on sunday and got sick. Ate clotted cream yesterday and got serious gas. That lasted until today and then I ate some ice cream. Now I am so bloated and gassy. I need to lay off the dairy products for a few days!!!

Saw the cutest little baby today. She's only three weeks old. But it is so hard for me to get excited or want to hold a baby. I feel so cheated. The mom is like 40 years old and only tried for a few months. How fair is that? I know I know, fair is relative.

Monday, September 25, 2006

I'm going to hell

For many reasons. First all, theres a lady at work and I just found out that she had a miscarriage of twins last week. I AM NOT HAPPY SHE MISCARRIED!!! I want to make that very clear. I would never wish that on ANYONE. I am not happy. But I don't think I could handle another preggo at work. There's so many! It aggravates me to no end. So see, I am going to hell.

Another reason is all the flutterbys I killed today. There are migrating apparently because I have over a hundred plastered to my car. All this from one trip to work. There is a down side to having auto owindshield wipers. You go through a particularly heavy group of bugs and they come on smearing guts all over. Yummy.

I ate the last two scones today and I think the clotted cream is killing me. I have a HUGE belly from the gas.

Well, that's it for now. If I can remember what else I wanted to say I will log back on. I know you will wait with baited breath.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

High Tea

So I made cucumber water cress tea sandwiches, tiny quiches (Ok I warmed these up!) and scones to have tea with gramie. Met mom there and we had an ok time. Then after we ate gramie puked up all her food. Apparently this happens quite often.

So she has lost a whole lot of weight, she's extremely tired all the time, she can't remember from minute to the next what day it is, what we just talked about or how old all of her children are. So she's not doing very well. And her bones are very fragile but she insists on trying to walk. She's not supposed to put much weight on her leg but hey, why let that stop you.

She is still trying to convince my mom that she's going to be ok, even though we all KNOW she is not. It's kinda aggravating. Then I feel guilty cuz I almost just want her to die soon, so that she won't have to go through the final stages of cancer. It only gets worse. Mom was saying that with Non-hodgins lymphoma they actually starve to death. No one wants that to happen.

So John has convinced her that he won't let her come home until she can walk and she gets stronger. Except neither of those things are going to happen so hello, why even put them out there. She wants to go home, she wants to die at home. Spend the money on home health that you are spending on assisted living.


So now I am emotionally drained and I want to sleep. :)

Saturday, September 23, 2006

hmmm

So I don't know if I have ov-ed yet. This clomid is messing with my cycles!

I had something profound to say but I forgot once I sat down to the computer.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Papayas

So I wonder sometimes if the way I eat annoys my dh. He bought some trail mix with craisins and cashews and coconut. These are all things I really like. But it also has peanuts, bananas and papayas. These are all things that I HATE. So I pick through it. Get the stuff I want out.

We went out to eat and I had fajitas. Well, I LOVE fajitas but I don't like onions and there are a lot of those. So I pick through and get the stuff I want. I see him watching me. I wonder what he's thinking.

I need a shopping spree. I am watching what not to wear and I could TOTALLY get into it.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Dr Appointment

So we have an appointment for Nov 27th. Nov? WTF? Bastards. Apparently they are BUSY and don't realize that I am TIRED of waiting. Fuckers. :)

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Talk Like Pirate Day

Ok seriously, talk like a pirate day? I love it! But I missed it.

So the sorority thing was a bust. I totally didn't fit in. I am SO not a joiner. Then they ended the meeting with a song. HOKEY!!

Soo stephiepoo, it's not that I can't CARRY a baby, I can't seem to get sperm and egg to meet. Thanks for the offer, but we are SO not there yet.

Jenn, glad you are here with me. It's MUCH faster than fucking myspace. And for me at least, the kids don't know that I am here.

So I need to call the Dr. but I feel like DH is avoiding the topic. I am a chicken and hate having to be the one to broach every subject.

Tomorrow I have nothing planned. I love that.

I got a positive OPK today. So we are on for the BD-ing. Of course, considering how sick I have been and how stoned on cold meds, it would be a major miracle.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Blocked tubes

So the dr. called today and one of my tubes didn't show up on the xray. So it's probably blocked. Now we have to go to an RE, which neither I nor DH is very excited about. It's going to be EXPENSIVE! But what other choice do we have? Give up? Continue on like nothing is wrong?

So since the chances of me getting knocked up are so slim, I decided to go ahead and start taking meds for this sinus issue. I guess it doesn't matter if my CM dries up. I wonder if I should even continue using the OPK's I bought yesterday.

Then today I realized I forgot to take my last dose of clomid. So I only took it for four days instead of five. And since I was supposed to take it Friday, I am not about to screw something upa nd take it now. I guess it doesn't matter.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

snot monsters

So the snot problems continue. I have avoided the outdoors so that has helped.

I went to an honorary education sorority meeting today. Didn't much care for it. I am not one for meetings and songs and secret handshakes. Not to mention that I stood alone for over five minutes and not one person there really talked to me. Oh well, one less thing for me to do each day.

Still waiting for DH to come home. I hope he is on his way. I know that he has to work but it really sucks. Hopefully we will have some time together tomorrow.

I am watching the very first Buffy and its so funny. I wish I had been able to watch the series to the end, but the channel it was on went away after the fourth season. Bummer.

That's all for now.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Apple cider and captain morgan

That's what I am drinking right now. Pretty damn tasty.

Drove the cheerleaders to Ruidoso today for the football game. We lost by 1 point. Suckage. I had a good time though. I am EXHAUSTED. It's after midnight here!

The girls shared some gossip and the alter boy of the school apparently has himself a bit of a coke habit. It makes his behavior in class make sense now. But how can I even BEGIN to talk to his parents without getting my ass in a sling? Can't.

I put some icy hot on my neck, heated up the rice sock and it's on my neck. Too two hits of flonase and two benadryls. Hopefully that will kick some of the snot outta my sinuses before I get an infection!

TMI ALERT: Have lots of cm. What's up with that? My cervix is still sore from Wednesday. I have determined that's the pain I am having. It's sore to touch even. Poor thing.

Well, I am outta here. Having tea tomorrow with some educational sorority thing. Not quite sure how I feel about it, but gonna check it our anyways.

Hasta

Friday, September 15, 2006

ACHOOO

So as I sit here sneezing, itching and sucking snot I realize how ridiculous it is that I have been off allergy meds for over two years and nothing. Seriously, I am miserable!

I can't even go outside without sneezing. My ears itch, my head hurts from the sinus pressure, and I can barely pet the cat. Argh.

Dr. called and I missed it. Dammit! Guess I will have to wait until Monday.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Poop Soup

So all day today I have had major pain in my belly and tushie. I think I have issues.

Haven't heard from the Dr. yet. Bastards!

I am irritated that someone scheduled a field trip on the last day of the nine weeks. I am giving an exam gosh darnit.

Off to a baby shower. Thrill a minute.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

HSG

So there were three women and my DH in there with me. The radiologist was new and couldn't figure out how to do ANYTHING. Very frustrating. The lady who did it was frustrated with the way the table worked and there was no stirrups. Not fun. They then invited DH to view my cervix. Fun.

Now I feel lost somehow. Like anticlimatic I guess.

I have a baby shower to go to tomorrow and one to plan for October. Not really feeling it.

So I am very frustrated by the world. I know a lot of people who are just ignorant and yucky and they are popping kids out like crazy. I am not talking about the teachers I work with, rather the parents and their 13 year old girls. How wrong is that? And everyone justs accepts it. It sucks. Here I am not taking allergy meds, not drinking (much), gave up coffee and still nothing. It fucking pisses me off. I know "fair" is such a little kid word but it fits how I feel.

I need some hot chocolate.

That's it for now...

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

infertile?

So tomorrow is my HSG. I hope that I have something wrong so that we can fix it.


I can't believe that we have had to go through this. But I imagine everyone who has problems getting pregnant feels the same way. You go through life imagining that you will be able to have a family easily. Then come to find out that hey, you can't get pregnant and you have to go to the doctors. Fun.

So that's were I am right now. Feeling like this is a dream and not really happening. I will report back tomorrow.

Friday, September 08, 2006

AF sucks

She's trying to kill me! I swear.

I find myself hoping that they will find a blockage in my tubes so that will be our problem and we won't have to go to the specialist. Then we can get preggers and live happily ever after. Yeah right.

Watching must love dogs. I love Dermot Mulroney. He's hot.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Tired

Well, CD 1 again. I am not all that sad. Now I have my HSG scheduled for Sept. 13th. I have good feelings about it. I am probably just setting myself up for disappointment again but hey, gotta keep believing.

Had PTC today. only saw 37 parents out of 140. But that's ok. I get tired to talking to people and it's nice to have some time in my class without other teachers bothering me to do things for them.

Got a postcard from JFTB. It was funny. I think it made DH grouchy though. She wasn't talking about him. :) Ok I am going to bed.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Hmmm Insanity?

So I am continuing on my path to insanity. I KNOW I am not knocked up, but that little ray of hope can't be put out. I know it's not going to happen this month, but every littel twinge and ache COULD BE!!!

I need serious mental help. :)

Not only that, but my face continues it's break out marathon. I got some stuff that is helping, but it's also causing my face to peel like crazy.

Hmmm, I would take pregnant and pizza face over no pregnant and clear as a model face.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

poop

Ok so I become a bit of an angry ovulator this month. I think I have gotten over it. I am feeling very cornfused about what my body is doing however. But that is for another time.

I am going to pick up my orders for the HSG tomorrow. I think that will happen sometime in Sept.

I was thinking earlier this week about how exciting the week and half that we knew we were pregnant was. We were so excited. I want that back again. I want to feel that with DH again. I want him to rub my belly!

So hopefully the HSG will get us there. Otherwise, it's a draino martini and a long walk off a short cliff.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

No eggies for me :(

So it's been a while since i have been here. I suck as a blogger.

Since no BFP in the TTC parlance. Total bumemr. I decided to up the dosage of the clomid on my own and switch days from 5-9 to 3-7. well see. I am going to call the dr. after I ovulate and schedule my HSG. After that, I don't know what we are going to do.

Had a fairly good day at work. Still a bit discouraged that these freaking kids are so adverse to a little work. They seem to want everything to be super easy. Not gonna happen.

Enough about those guys. Gettin anxious for the middle of the month. Have some (just a little) hope this month. I guess we will have to wait to see.